Characteristics of men that women should choose

Fatwa of Sheikh Abu Abdillah Musthafa bin Al-‘Adawi

Question:

What qualities of a man should a woman choose for herself?

Answer:

Among these traits (characters) are the following:

First: Have a good religion. This is based on the word of God Knocking,

A believing servant is better than a polytheist, even if he pleases you.

“Indeed, a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even if he attracts your heart.” (QS. Al-Baqarah: 221)

Second: At least he mastered (memorized) part of the Koran. This is because of the Prophet May Allah bless him and grant him peace had married a man from his best friend by memorizing the Koran that he had, as contained in Ash-Shahihahin.

Third: Have the ability (al-ba’ah) marriage of two kinds [1]. This is because of the Prophet May Allah bless him and grant him peace motivate young people to marry when they have the ability. Prophet May Allah bless him and grant him peace said to Fatimah bint Qais,

As for Muawiyah, you are bald and have no wealth.

“As for Mu’āwiyah, he was a poor man, having no wealth.” [2]

Fourth: It is advisable to choose a man who is gentle towards women. This is because of the Prophet May Allah bless him and grant him peace said about Abu Jahm,

Meanwhile, Abu Jahm was a man who would not let go of his stick, but instead married Usamah.

“As for Abū Jahm, he was a man who never put down his staff from his shoulders (i.e. often hit or traveled a lot). But married Usāmah.”

Fifth: A woman feels happy when she sees him (her husband), so that there is no feeling of reluctance (feeling of dislike or distance from each other) between the two, and so that she does not deny her husband’s goodness.

Sixth: It is recommended to feel comfortable with it, so that feelings of dislike or dislike arise nusyuz (disobedience or defiance) from women. Allah Story said,

Men have power over women because Allah prefers some of them over others and what they spend from their wealth

“Men are the leaders of women, because Allah has preferred some of them (men) over others (women), and because they (men) have spent part of their wealth.” (QS. An-Nisa’: 34)

So, leadership (qiwamah) Men over women exist in two ways:

First, in something that is the nature of men, that is, what God has privileged for men over women in his creation. [3]

Second, external factors, namely men provide support to women, either in the form of dowry in marriage or in the form of maintenance in marriage. With these two things it is realized and perfect qiwamah man. If one of them is not perfect, then reduce it qiwamah man.

If a woman is the one who provides for the family, then there is no doubt that this means she has a share qiwamah (which should be played by men, pen.) This in many cases will cause problems in the household.

For example, if a female doctor (who is also the director of a hospital) marries the janitor of the house (there is no doubt that this is halal and permissible), then it will most likely (probably) happen nusyuz, high feelings, and antipathy on the part of the wife towards her husband in conditions like this.

Seventh: It is advisable for a girl to choose a partner who can maintain her honor. So, it is makruh (disliked) for her — although not haram — to marry an old man whose age is approaching eighty years, because it is unlikely that he will be able to maintain his honor and fulfill his biological needs. We have mentioned it in our book Jami’ Ahkam al-Nisa’ the story of Abu Bakar’s proposal to Fatima Radhiyallahu ‘anhuma, and the words of the Prophet May Allah bless him and grant him peace

He’s small

“Still small…” (hadith).

However, this does not apply in all conditions, because someone who is old can have the same strength as a young person.

Eighth: It is recommended to choose a man who is healthy, has no disgrace (disease), based on the words of the Prophet May Allah bless him and grant him peace

Flee from the leper as you would from a lion

“Flee from the leper as you would from a lion.”

Ninth: It is recommended to marry a man who is fertile (not infertile or sterile), this is because of the priority of having children. Unless there are certain factors that encourage marrying a man like that. Wallahu ta’ala a’lam. [4]

***

@Unayzah, KSA; 26 Rajab 1447/ 15 January 2026

Translator: M. Saifudin Hakim

Article Muslim.or.id

Footnote:

[1] Namely the ability to be married (biological relationship) and the ability to bear the costs of marriage and support for the wife.

[2] This does not contradict the word of God Knocking,

And marry the young women among you and the pious people from among your male and female servants. If they are poor, Allah will surely enrich them with His bounty, and Allah is All-Sufficient, All-Knowing.

“And marry those who are still single among you, and those who are worthy (to marry) of your male and female servants. If they are poor, Allah will give them sufficiency from His grace.” (QS. An-Nur: 32)

There is no doubt that if religion conflicts with something else, then religion must take precedence. However, this discussion applies in conditions when two people have the same level of religion. So at that time, the hadith of the Prophet May Allah bless him and grant him peace about Mu’awiyah becomes relevant.

[3] For example, in general, men are physically stronger than women (pen.).

[4] Translated from Ahcamun Nikah is Zeaf. matter. 58-60.